Hello, Harvard. Did you miss us? It’s the too-cool-for-school duo Betty and Hyemi, providing Harvard’s student body with the all the advice you so *desperately* need from us. Sorry for the huge delay. For those of you who’ve submitted questions to us, thank you! And for the rest of you shedding tears onto your keyboard right now because you didn’t have the chance to do so, not to worry! You can anonymously submit them right here. We’ll be here every two weeks to and we’re a biweekly column so we’ll be back.

We're back. And with better wine this time.

Favorite bad story about yourself?

Betty: True Life: I had an emergency wisdom tooth extraction in South Africa this summer. So here’s the story in all of its gruesome detail: I was in South Africa for two months this summer and, a couple of weeks into the summer abroad program, I went on a little weekend getaway wine tour with two friends (let’s call them Amanda and Sophia for the purposes of this story). We get absolutely “obligerated” (obliterated + belligerent, seek urban dictionary for reference). I’m talking some sort of wine drunk I never knew existed. I did not sleep that night. Not only did I still have the worst hangover of my young life, but our cabin was refrigerator temperature and the left side of my mouth was in more pain than I knew existed. Fast forward three days. A random dentist I found on the interweb examines my infected tooth/gum area. “Your pain will only get worse if you don’t get this wisdom tooth removed as soon as possible.” Next thing I know, my mouth is very minimally numbed up and this dude is tearing at my gums with something all-too-resemblant of an x-acto blade. His assistant holds my hand and whispers in my ear words of a language I don’t entirely understand. Tears stream down my cheeks uncontrollably for two hours, until my tooth is finally extracted. I walk back to my guest house, still alive to tell the tale.

Hyemi: One year during Harvard-Yale weekend, I locked myself out of my room after taking a shower so I had to walk to the security desk of Dunster from my fourth floor room in my electric blue towel and my fuzzy bunny slippers. Luckily, a lot of people had already left for Yale so the house was relatively empty, but that also meant all of my roommates were gone too. The security guard on-duty asked for my name and said this was the funniest sight he had ever seen. This event really made me reconsider my relationship with my bunny slippers.

Why does Harvard dating suck?

Hyemi: Agreed! The only time I ever go on dates are when I email my Datamatches to go on a “Zinnekens date” with me to write about it for Flyby (very pitiable, I know). In my ~expert opinion~ I wonder if it’s simply because we don’t want to take risks and place ourselves in a position of emotional vulnerability, but brush it off as “not wanting a relationship” or “being too busy for one.” So maybe we all owe it to ourselves and to those we like to be more honest about our feelings! I’m not excluding myself from this either. Sometimes, I don’t want to say hi to the cute guy in lecture even though it’s literally just a normal human greeting because I’m scared that the way I say “hi” or how I wave my hand will somehow reveal my crush on him and then I’ll be too embarrassed to ever come to lecture again and then I’ll fall behind in the class because of poor attendance and then I’ll fail said class.

Betty: Why is the Pope Catholic? Why was Harambe shot? There are some questions even I, with all of my wisdom, cannot answer.

Cool date ideas?

Hyemi: I personally think a cool date would involve art and beer! It would be fun to go on a late afternoon date to a museum and stay until closing time (which is often around 5 or 6 p.m. on weekdays and that’s ideal because you don’t awkwardly have to wonder when it’s socially appropriate to say you’ve seen enough), and then go for beer afterwards so you can chat and get to know each other in a more casual setting instead of feeling nervous about something long and formal like dinner.

P.S. This set-up is also perfect if you’re like me and tell your friends (or the entire campus) about every little detail in your life because then you can save dinner for late-night take-out with your roommates and debrief for DAYS about your date in the comfort of your PJs and pad thai.

Betty: Take me on a date to a Pats game and 9/10 I would marry you. For real though, I’ve spent quite a lot of time not going on dates (re: last Listen Up!) and therefore a lot of time imagining the coolest dates I could/should be going on. Sky Zone is a top-contender. What’s better than jumping around in matching orange socks? On second thought, I’d probably have like three asthma attacks after jumping for 10 minutes, and I can only imagine how devastating I’d look in all of my breathless, sweaty glory. So for now, I’ll probably stick to food and a movie (or Pats game) as the go-to date ideas. What’s better than some McDonald’s and ‘Flix?

What’s your favorite cocktail?

Hyemi: Quite honestly, I’m not an expert with alcohol so I always go for anything on the menu that has ~elderflower liqueur~ in it because doesn’t it just sound nice and fancy?

Betty: I’m not much of a cocktail kinda gal– I prefer the finer things, read: Spiked Seltzers. Must I choose a cocktail, however, I’d probably go with sex on the beach, mostly because I don’t not think it’s the funniest thing ever to ask my waiters for sex on the beach.