Us Happy Fellahs

It was rainy and cold outside the Lampoon last night, yet someone had left the castle door open, so I went in. Inside it smelled rather damp, but at least it wasn't raining, and from the dimly lighted room to the left came the reek of beer and the sound of conversation. "The meeting for competitors is through that door," a shadowy, beerdrinking figure said. "It's just begun."

Through the door a quiet young man was talking about Flemish tiles. "They're very old, and each one is different," he said, looking up from the floor to the walls. The somber group of prospective candidates looked up with him. The walls were covered with Flemish tiles; each seemed different and they looked very old indeed. The young man called their attention to the heavy wood cabinets against the walls as well: "They are also very old," he said, looking down at the floor again.

He went on. "In fact, as you've no doubt noticed, the whole building has a medieval atmosphere. We are very proud of it and try to take good care of it because we feel that a good atmosphere is very important. It takes a happy group to produce humor." He smiled at the candidates. They looked back at him. One or two of them smiled.

"Do you have any policy about what we shouldn't write about: sex, for instance?" a candidate asked. Another young man, apparently an officer, impeccably dressed, who had been standing in the background pulling his lip, answered. "Well, we don't like to have you write about hackneyed subjects like the central kitchen. As for sex, sex can be hilarious, but it oughtn't to be obscene. Use taste." (The business-like lecturer in front nodded in agreement and shuffled his notes.) "Yes, use your taste. Otherwise, though, in humor nothing is sacred."

Someone asked about editors' criticism of candidate writings. "What if you disagree with a criticism?" The impeccable dresser answered again. "Well," he said, pulling at his lip, "humor is very nebulous and editors might even express contradictory opinions. But if you're broadminded you should be able to learn something from any comment. If you should sometime find a really asinine comment, it's quite all right to express your disagreement, but with tact." He smiled. "Yes, use tact." A few of the candidates smiled.

"The Lampoon has a social club aspect as well as an orthodox college activity aspect," the front man resumed. "As you have been told, we feel that the members of the group should get along together. That's why your election depends on how well you fit into the group as well as the quality of your writing."

At this point we slipped out; we didn't feel we were fitting in.