In its never-ending drive to offer readers an alternative to the usual reading and viewing matter, Oui Magazine has gone to new extremes with an article by three Lampoon editors.
"Why go to college? Well, for one thing you can't build beer can pyramids in a monastery," write Kurt Anderson '76, Mark O'Donnell '76 and Charles Stephen '76 in their soon-to-be-published piece, "Why One Should Go to College."
The Lampoon three, paid $1200 for their article, continue, "In college one is forced to realize, more than anything else, precisely how much one doesn't know. Sometimes even we forget how much more we know each year about what there is we don't know; and of course, the more we forget, the more there is to know."
"When we finally discover everything there is to know that we don't know, college will have served its purpose, and we can begin years of expensive psychotherapy."
The authors document their claims with three case studies on the frustrations of non-college graduates.
There is the saga of Joe: "He was hardworking, imaginative, a natural leader--and since his father was president of the firm, Joe's future looked exceedingly bright."
"The job interview was going smoothly until his interviewer made a confession. 'Son,' he said, 'I've had to pass you over for a man I exchanged words with on a street corner and whom I haven't seen since. The truth is Joe, he's been to college."
Towards the end of their feature, the three describe the type of person college breeds. "Who but soigne college graduates could summon the requisite poise to carry on an extemporaneous discussion of Marxian dialectics, gesticulate emphatically with a lit cigarette (preferably a Sobranie Black Russian), and punctuate his remarks with a polite sip from his drink (Wild Turkey on the rocks or some Pernod)?" they ask.
Stephen said yesterday he does not know when the article will appear but is sure it will run since they were paid more than a $300 "consolation fee." That is just one more example of benefit of going to college. One certainly cannot write articles for Oui magazine in a monastery