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Things I've Said After My Fifteenth Drink

“Blech!” “Hey, baby, let me get up on that!” [To inanimate object]. “The weird girl I don’t really know who
By The CRIMSON Staff

  1. “Blech!”

  2. “Hey, baby, let me get up on that!” [To inanimate object].

  3. “The weird girl I don’t really know who lives upstairs probably won’t mind if I crawl into bed with her.”

  4. “This IM to my ex will show her how much I care.” [IM reads: wegtwegj...bitch!...im soooo sorry.]

  5. “I’m at the peak of my rhetorical powers. It will be child’s play to persuade the bouncer at the A. D. that I belong there.”

  6. “A bullet in my head would be more comfortable than this pain” [vomits on self].

  7. “A drunken nude circumnavigation of the Quad will impress those fine honeys.”

  8. “I shall found a magazine and christen it Flare.”

  9. “Surely no one will notice if I pee in/on this lectern in Sever 105/hotel trash can/proctor/Crimson president/girl’s ass.”

  10. “Let’s go fuck with those guys from B.C.—they’re probably pussies.”

  11. [Thinks to self] “I’m going to pretend to fall asleep so my head can fall into her breasts...Gahhhhhh.”

  12. “I’m going to steal this eggbeater/15-foot metal pole/prescription medicine/broken lava lamp and then I’ll partay!”

  13. “Whassup there, ugly? Gimme some love!” [tries to high-five; is kicked in taint/grundle].

  14. “Wait, I didn’t know Miller Lite used only the choicest hops! Holy shit, it’s also pilsner brewed!”

  15. [Passes out]..

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