Behind the Magazine

7 p.m.: Associates begin trickling in from dinner, suitably caffeinated for the night ahead. Irin sports an incongruous “School of Hard Knocks” sweatshirt; Mollie carries her laptop in the hope of taking a crack at that paper; Amelia wears the Uggs she condemned in Bad Trend Alert the week before.

10:42 p.m.: Dan begins work.

10:43 p.m.: Dan realizes he doesn’t know how to use the design program. Liz assists.

10:46 p.m.: Dan checks e-mail and fantasy basketball scores.

11:12 p.m. (9:12 a.m. Sydney time): Amelia gets off the phone with parents.

11:36 p.m.: To psych themselves for the spread design, Hayley and Mollie perform handstands.

11:45 p.m.: First text comes in (it’s Scoped).

Midnight: Driven by perfectionism, Rachel begins the slow process of rewriting everything.

12:01 a.m.: Standards fall.

12:05 a.m.: Dan admits he never contacted his FTM writer. He may not exist.

12:06 a.m.: Irin begins writing hard-hitting feature on the Limo Liner in desperate bid to fill pages.

12:17 a.m.: Pete is combing News of the Weird for gruesome, yet comic, accidents for Minutes.

12:35 a.m.: Liz screams “Boo-yah” over intercom in heated argument with managing editor.

12:42 a.m.: Exhausted by said investigative piece, Irin passes out. Others will follow.

1 a.m.: In lull, Hayley plays Boggle. Headstands give way to yoga.

2:32 a.m.: FM bickers with Sports over computers, music.

3:16 a.m.: Rachel appears downstairs. It’s late.

3:37 a.m.: Dan awakes from trance to strangle fellow notorious jackass Corker Q. Picker ’02-’03 over 15-hour edit of troubled scrutiny.

3:42 a.m.: Proofer Kate asks if blowjob is one word or two.

3:43 a.m.: It’s one.

4:01 a.m.: Making the gossip rounds, Pete calls mother.

4:34 a.m.: Pretending to enter proofs, Irin and Amelia talk about everyone in the next room.

5:07 a.m.: Nobody saw Pete and Dan leave.

5:09 a.m. Liz turns on the Irish charm to sweet-talk the press operators.

5:17 a.m.: Mollie catches up on e-mails. Amazing!

5:30 a.m.: Asleep on the imagesetter, Kate overlooks blatant libel.

5:44 a.m.: Crimson President Amit sends his hundredth micromanaging e-mail. Still hasn’t responded to June e-mail from thesis advisor.

6:01 a.m.: Imagesetter breaks.

6:14 a.m.: Backup imagesetter breaks. Rachel thumps head on desk: “It just doesn’t get any easier!”

7:30 a.m. : Breakfast in Adams. Plastic omelettes never tasted this good.

9:07 a.m.: Arabic A begins. Liz actually goes. Everyone else is asleep.

7 p.m.: Writer’s meeting. It all begins again.

Spring semester: The seniors write their theses. Just kidding.