Top Five Reasons to Smash Yr Computer

1. DRM

Imagine for a minute that books disintegrate as soon as the publisher goes out of business, or that paintings fade away when their particular brand of pigment is no longer in use. This is the world of Digital Rights Management, in which digital media files are encrypted and hidden from their owner unless a server at Sony or Apple explicitly allows them to be played. When these companies collapse, the media files will be worthless. Every encrypted iTunes download strengthens the hold of DRM, so smash your computer before it’s too late.



2. Vista

Now that Apple computers can run Windows, even graphic designers and college kids are not safe from the horrors of Windows Vista. If you leave your computer alone for just a moment, it could be running Vista when you return. To prevent this from ever happening, switch to an abacus or slide rule.



3. The environment

Desktop computers are full of noisy, power-hungry moving parts, and they release toxic chemicals into the soil when put in landfills. Before the liberals take over our government and send your desktop the way of the incandescent light bulb, smash your computer to deny them the pleasure.



4. It’s addictive

Recent research suggests that up to nine million Americans could be pathological computer users, and internet addiction is rapidly gaining acceptance as a psychological disorder. Go cold turkey...I dare you.



5. It’s obsolete

Whatever device you are reading this on, Apple just released a glossy multi-touch version molded from a single piece of unicorn horn. Smash your computer so you have an excuse to buy a new one.



—Mark A. VanMiddlesworth is the incoming l337 Web Editor.