COMMUNITY ADVISORY: Armed Robbery

On Wednesday, November 3, 2010, a (Celtics fan / dance instructor / male graduate student) reported to the Cambridge Police that he was approached by an unknown male on Brattle Street near the Curious George Store and forced to (do a little dance / make a little love / get down tonight) at approximately 4:39 p.m. The aggressor demanded the victim’s (whole box of Sweet cupcakes / only the icing / just a pinkie dip). The victim complied with the demands and remained uninjured.

Because (this incident did not occur on Harvard property / HUPD was backlogged with bike thefts / Benson and Stabler are off this week) it is being investigated by the Cambridge Police Department. If anyone has any information regarding this incident, please contact Officer Jenny at the Cambridge Police Department at 867-5309.

While everyone is decidedly in eminent peril, the Cambridge Police Department warns that some members of the community are more at risk than others. If you are a (young girl / drunk undergraduate / defenseless toddler), you are essentially not at risk. If, however, you are a male graduate student, the Cambridge Police Department strongly recommends that you (hide yo’ kids / hide yo’ wife / hide yo’ cupcakes).

Additionally, the Harvard University Police Department wants to remind students, faculty, and staff that we are located in (a bubble / 1033 Massachusetts Ave., sixth floor / an urban setting) and share many of the crime and safety issues that exist in any city. Community members should be (vigilant / pretending to be unawares but actually vigilant / booty-swaying) while walking throughout campus and surrounding areas.

For questions about this advisory, please contact the Harvard University Police Department’s Public Information Officers, Charlotte H. Alter and Alexander J. Ratner.