Connection Means More Than Instagram Stories

The summer before college, before we all went to separate countries or states for college, my friends and I reassured ourselves that we would keep in touch. Even with an ocean between us, we promised to talk to each other frequently and share updates of our lives since we have Instagram and Facebook to bring us together at any given moment. Since then, the promises have been, as expected, held infrequently and a surprising reason for that has been an impersonal use of the social platforms.

Moving on to the first semester of college, during the often lonely and busy days of the transition to a new culture and environment, I often spent all the free time I had on scrolling through Instagram and Facebook. Sitting on my bed after a long day of school, tired and still adjusting to my new environment, I would see the smiley faces of my friends from home and watch their daily adventures on social media. One friend posted a beautiful profile picture, another shared their thrilling travel experiences over the past few months, and third shared moments of wild parties with their new friends. I would experience these moments of my friends’ lives through bright pictures or twenty seconds of their Instagram stories, but I was usually left feeling drained and more disconnected afterward.

This one-sided interaction through stories and pictures on social media, as opposed to reaching out and talking, was enough for me to form mental images of how my friends were doing. That friend of mine with a beautiful picture is glowing - they must be happily enjoying their new chapter of college; the friend who was traveling seems to have had so much fun, and the other one, with all the partying, must have found their close friends so fast. These would be the assumptions that would float around in my head and I would compare my mostly sad and stressful days to my friends’ experiences. On top of that, since now I “knew” what my friends were up to, my curiosity about their lives diminished and I was usually left feeling inadequate and unworthy of direct interaction with others I haven’t talked to in a while.

I am certain that at least some of us have gone through a similar mental process in engagement with specific social platforms like Instagram. Even though the concept of virtually being there with the people we care about in the moments of their lives is incredible, sometimes we can find ourselves on the detrimental side of its usage. Rather than using the social applications as tools for directly talking and connecting screen-to-screen, hearing each other’s voices and sharing our respective lives with each other, we at times act as an audience of the public personas of people we know on social media. This act of “watching” small segments of others’ lives for a long period of time, specifically the fun, happy, and best moments they choose to share, can often lead to lower self-esteem and social isolation.

This does not mean, however, that social media usage corresponds automatically to worse mental health and disconnection. It can be very fulfilling to engage with the people we care about fast through social platforms and we can find incredible community and connection online, leading to more socialization and happiness. Although the discussion on the effects of social media on mental health has been extensively focused on its negative aspects, there are also some that show that the issue is not entirely one-sided and depends more on how we engage with it. As long as we approach social media positively, to create genuine connections, time spent on it might even contribute to our mental well-being.

The social media platforms are powerful in that they allow us to create or continue connections even thousands of miles apart, regardless of time and location. But in its usage, we have a choice every time we click and scroll: to engage with people we care about intentionally or be swept in the negative loop of comparison and disconnection. By being more aware of how we are interacting and learning about the lives of others online, we can surely create healthier habits on social media.

After last semester ended and I went home during winter break, I met my friends I haven’t talked to since I came to Harvard. It turned out that I was very wrong with my assumptions about my friends’ lives. Despite posting cool pictures or travels or parties, we all in the end had unspoken common struggles of finding our places, missing home, and managing the chaos of college. I realized that only after talking to them personally, hearing their stories by asking them questions and sharing mine in return.

We can create the same genuine connection and better mental state on social media — we just have to reach out, tune in and connect.

Javhlan Amgalanbaatar ’23, a Crimson Editorial editor, lives in Canaday Hall. Her column appears on alternate Wednesdays.