Want to look good this Halloween but just realized you gained too much weight to go as a sexy cat again? Or maybe you just found out that the Garment District isn’t actually an entire district, and have been too embarrassed to go ever since? Or is it that you realized that the life-sized Furby costume that you’ve been planning isn’t as original as you thought? If you’ve answered yes to one or all of these questions, then you could use a last minute sexy Halloween costume. You could also use a refresher in high school rhetoric. The questions were rhetorical.
1. Sexy Ghost
The trick to making the classic Charlie Brown old sheet get-up sexy is all in the performance. Tell people that under the bedding you are actually super attractive. Wow them with descriptions of how symmetrical your face is and how sensitive a person you are, especially when you are volunteering for the elderly.
2. Sexy Generic Animal
It doesn’t have to be a cat this year! If you want to make things a little more interesting try going as your favorite animal, a raccoon. If your favorite animal is not a raccoon try going as a cockroach. If you are looking for a group costume you can make it an infestation.
3. Sexy Librarian
Buy some prescription glasses and then apply for a job at Widener. It’s sexy because instead of going out Saturday night you can go to work scanning books. Nothing is sexier than making $11.50 an hour, $13 if you are on work-study.
4. Sexy Current Event or Pun
The best costumes are the ones that you have to explain; the very best costumes are the ones that you have to explain twice, preferably with diagrams and some sort of metric equation. Might I recommend dressing up as deviled eggs (all you need are horns and an omelet), or the recent government shutdown (all you need is a mini skirt and cat ears)?
5. Sexy Binge Drinking
When you’re drunk, people won’t remember that you were too lazy to put on a costume; all they will remember is that you puked on their couch. (Not recommended.)