Once upon a time, you knew how to “look left” and “look right”, but now you look straight ahead at other pedestrians, trust their judgment, and cross when they cross. People accuse you of being a lazy follower, but you know this is a genius strategy to make others do the mental labor of deciding when to cross.
Drivers and bikers tremble in fear when they sense your aura nearby. You look both ways before crossing, but you cross no matter what you see coming your way, forcing someone to hurriedly hit the brakes. You make eye contact with the poor driver through the windshield and smirk at them as you walk by. You are either absolutely fearless or just running late. Nothing like relishing in the knowledge that you are going to lead a Sheep to disaster one day.
A string of cars are coming, or maybe that red hand on the traffic light is flashing for the last few times. You can’t tell if there’s time to make it across and decide to wait it out. When you realize that you totally could have gone four seconds ago, you suddenly bolt across the street without thinking. Some driver gets annoyed and honks at you, and you anxiously replay that moment in your head for the rest of the day.
The Slowest Walker On The Planet
You cover ground more slowly than Ice Age glaciers did. As you amble across the street, other pedestrians stream past you. Sometimes you walk slowly because you’re going someplace you don’t want to be, but usually, this is just who you are.
You wait when you’re supposed to wait, walk at a reasonable pace, smile at strangers, wave at babies, and say excuse me. You deserve nothing but excellent pedestrian experiences, but somehow unfortunate things keep happening to you. Your phone falls, your coffee spills, cars splash you, or your foot gets stuck in an uncovered hole in the road. Why is the world so unfair?
If you’re going to cross the street every day in Cambridge, you might as well do it with some personal flair. Go forth and travel safely from destination to destination!